Talking about how you feel. IT IS HARD. Going through life never having anyone to depend on. IS SO MUCH HARDER.
I know this might seem cliche and maybe the opposite of what some of you were brought up with but I would like to give an example in my own life where JUST GETTING IT ALL OUT saved me.
I have always found talking about my emotions on a deep level quite hard and at times almost imposible. This is due mostly to the route of my emotions. I had a few friends i could talk to about how I was feeling but I didn’t feel as if I had any adults I could reach out to. I lost contact or had fights with the friends I could talk to and ended up feeling very alone and confused. I tried reaching out to someone who responded very well, however because of the emotional state I was in, I put to much pressure on this person and pushed them away. Having felt a brief moment of support and what I believed to be acceptance and love and then having that pulled away so suddenly left me in an even worse place than before. Unfortunately, this left me ina vunerable and suicidal state. Although this is very hard for me to say I was at a point where I wanted to end my life, I had a plan. My father found me, writing a suicide note, a goodbye note from my family. Being religious, I saw this as a sign from God. Crying i gave the note to my dad and told him to leave and then read it. He came up to me. Not angry at all and to cut a long story short I spent the next day in hospital and wasn’t allowed to be left home alone for about a month.
You may or may not have been able to associate yourself with this. You may think i am a drama queen or over reacting. I don’t know what you think. I just know for me, it was real. And it was scary. And i believe completely avoidable have I reached out to the people around me. I would like to say it has been very hard for me, to go about life like a ‘normal’ person these last few months. And although I have found it hard at times to want to live. I feel as if I am at my strongest now, I have been through the dark valley of death. I’m coming out the other side.
I know you can too. So please prevent suicide and depression, if you’re struggling reach out to someone. If you feel as if you can’t connect to the people around you try calling a hotline. They won’t be mad, remember there are always people willing to help you.